I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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