Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
