I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
