You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
literally had 100 drinks last night.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
