i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
