I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
