Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
