I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
