We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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