New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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