so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
