Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
