he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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