He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
