There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
