You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
