id be glad to
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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