paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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