I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
