you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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