I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
