I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
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Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
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Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
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