Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
