I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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