i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
