Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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