eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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