you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
