i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
How external is "for external use only"?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
