If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
