A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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