You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
