One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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