You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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