Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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