Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Drake has all the answers
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
