S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
