I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Dicks are not precious.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize