I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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