White coat. Heels.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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