you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Randomize
