chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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