I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks