her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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