I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
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then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
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Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?