dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
