im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.