I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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