I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
