No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
