i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
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My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
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I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm too high and old for this...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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