omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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