I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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