what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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