My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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