Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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