What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
