Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
