For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
