my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
