It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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