I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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