I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
