chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
