all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
