He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
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woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
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I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
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