She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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