The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
