well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
