lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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