My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
