We won't sleep together?
I wish I could teleport
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
