I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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